my life sux

20th day of february twenty10

every girl dreams of her sweet 16..

some girls may never have one..

that girl is me

NO PLACE FOR ME

5th day of february 2010

a friday night.. i am at home.. i can't seem to make myself want to live in australia.. i know i am being impatient and i need to allow time to make a change but i cant

i dont belong here.. i thought i did but i'm not sure anymore.. the rules have changed. the people have changed.. the ones i used to be soo close too have become mere strangers to me.. classmates at best.. i expected too much and thus i am shattered

there's no place for me here .. i see the connections within the group that hav grown overtime.. i feel like a 3rd wheel in a group of many .. an unwanted guest who doesnt know when to leave.. i feel isolated

for a person who is afraid of change.. hu needs a sense of belonging to feel comfortable.. this has been one of the toughest two weeks of my life.. mentally.. on the outside i look happy but inside m depressed..

i want to feel the closeness they feel .. to find my place in a group so big.. i love indonesia becouse i had found my place.. where i didnt need to go walkin on my own at lunch to find a friend i know .. humiliating myself, or follow people around and look like a loser because i know no others.. i want to fit.. to contribute.. to feel cared for.. i want close friends

i want my former bestfriend to invite me too things like sleepovers and gossip girl marathons and say " come to the party it'll be fun" .. not " if u dont feel comfortable , dont go" .. it feels like a stab in the back. a signal saying " i dont want you here youre annoying" i wanted and expected her to care more.. to help me instead of being a bitch....

i feel lost and i need someone to pull me in

xoxo

nadia